I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
