I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
