Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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