Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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