like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
