Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
