Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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