8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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