my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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