the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
