I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize