I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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