True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
