Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
