Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
