You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
