im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
