I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
