Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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