Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize