the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
