My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
