Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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