how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
