the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
