Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
