Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
