we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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