Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize