They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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