I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
