To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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