i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it's like iHOP with fire
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
