I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
