Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
