What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
