That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
