It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
