I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
