sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
