In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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