I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
