My brain says no but my pants say off.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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