U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
