Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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