he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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