i permit you to call me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
