You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
