please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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