i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
