found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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