i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
