Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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