you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i now understand why vodka
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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