Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
im on a boat
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