totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
