yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
