so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need water and some morals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
