she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
