it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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