So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
