Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
