3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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