I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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